Thoughts after pulling out the plug

So it's been interesting so far, proceeding with life without the need of having any computer provided at your own personal disposal. I'm still able to connect with the world, given the fact that you're reading this right now, but only at certain times that go hand in hand with the computer lab opening scheduel in the university dormatory.


Idle and sometimes meaningless browsing over the same thing, over and over again, had never proven to be time consuming until I had deprvied myself from the means of practicing it. Without it, the day somehow becomes bigger, slower and filled with an immense sense of oppurtunity, but if you're not stubborn enough with the attitude of being productive, you'll most likely find yourself staring at the ceiling.


In these few hours, I was able to discover three things about myself that struck me hard in the face. One, I'm illiterate; I have about sixteen books in my shelves waiting to be touched, having promised that I would read them in my 'spare time'. Even with all the time in the world, I've never turned a page.


Two, I'm Godless; well, not entirely. But in the silence I came to appreciate the little details in faith tradition was careful enough to pass along. While I fulfill my obligations, I seem to have lost touch with God by overlooking the details that go beyond them. Details that I've thought of, for instance, the times that I had forsaken moral integrity to demonstrate sarcasm. While I'm under no illusion of an intolerant God, I could at least appreciate the virtue behind a little sense of shame before the almighty. That, I believe, is a flicker of sincerety that we as human beings can spare as compared to the scenario of us hasting to finish our prayers, due to the fact that our subconciounce clouds us with illusions of higher priorities in life that we are often quick to succumb to.


Thirdly. . . I miss my father.

First Entry

Everyday, I grow convinced that our willingness to remain ignorant and steadfast to our daily routines is killing us. Our confidence in our opinions have made us arrogant to the point where we are shaken by a disgruntling surge of rage should someone intervene to question them. We stopped believing in our god-given obligation to grow, rotting in our commitment to seek the satisfaction that never really exists, always postponing the procedures to perform the greater deeds in life until the years pass us and we find ourselves drenched in self-loathe, submerging even deeper, rather than pursue redemption, growing fat with food and ego. 

We have lost touch with the true meaning of gratitude; being grateful that it could not have been any worse is seen as a modest form of naivety rather then a means of acknowledging facts and moving on. It is overlooked, disregarded as traditional heresy and looked upon as a form of weakness, rather then a means of fortitude and self-recognition.

We know that there is no enough for our urges, and yet we refuse to exercise our rational tenacity to subdue them. We know there is never too late for anything while we still stand, yet we allow trivial aspects such as age, location and public opinion to limit our passion for accomplishments. For self-assurance,we brainstorm excuses to point out, why we are not there yet, rather then working hard enough to not have to do so in the first place. We have grown dependent, clingy and often lack self-reliance.

The the solution in life has always been a simple step back and a sincere inspection of things before mustering the attitude to change everything - that includes ourselves.